Going through a breakup is hard. No matter how long you were together, in small or big ways, they left a mark on your life. It’s inevitable that at some point, we will all part ways with someone we couldn’t imagine not having in our lives. When we do, though, it leaves us wondering how we can move on. We question if we can get through this difficult time.

After a breakup, it sometimes feel as if everyday is a struggle. Where once you were checking your phone, ready to see their texts come through, now you receive nothing. Instead of posting new cute photos of your latest adventure on Instagram, you are scrolling past all of your old ones.

Memories of them are everywhere and knowing there won’t be new ones can be heartbreaking. No matter for the reason of the breakup, if it was mutual or one-sided, moving on is a challenge. It may not seem like it, but there is hope that you can get through this. Below, here are four ways to move on after a breakup.

1. Talk About It, But Not Constantly

Most people expect you to talk about the breakup – after all, it’s something that has changed your life, even if only temporarily. We all know that it feels good to just let it all out and talk about what happened. In fact, holding the details in can cause you to think about it too much.

However, there is a fine balance between talking about it to vent and talking about it incessantly. If you find that it’s been weeks(or months) and you are still talking about the breakup, you can risk considering yourself in victim mode, which can prevent you from moving on.

Ask your friends or family for advice after telling the story and ways to help you move on. While everyone’s breakup story is different, how we move on from it is typically all the same.

2. To Be Friends On Social Media, Or Not To Be

We live in an age where everything we do is visible to everyone else. If you haven’t already deleted each other on social media, you may be questioning whether or not you should.

This is going to be different for everyone, but consider these few things. Do I care if they know what I am up to? Do I really want to keep up with their life, as well? Am I going to be tempted to constantly check their page?

Asking yourself these questions can help you determine if the connection on social media will hurt you more. If it will, there’s nothing wrong with cutting ties now. It can help you move on by not consistently seeing their posts or pictures online. Or, you can also try to just unfollow them for the time being if you think one day you may friends again.

3. Journal About What You Learned

From every relationship comes valuable lessons that we are taught. Either from the actual relationship or the breakup, you likely learned a lot about yourself, the world, and possibly even what you want your next relationship to be like.

As you are writing, you may think of toxic or negative aspects from the relationship or that changed you for the worse. Thinking of characteristics about your ex that you did not care for can also help you move on.

4. Be Gentle With Yourself and Know There’s No Timeline For This

Finally, know that there is no timeline for when you should officially be over the breakup. Every relationship is different and there’s no “one size fits all,” way to get over a relationship.

To move on, give yourself the grace to know it’s a process. You’ll have your times when you hate them, miss them, wonder about them, then go back to hating them. And that’s ok. Just be sure not to stay in this place for too long.

If you are struggling to move on after a particularly hard breakup, you don’t have to do it alone.  Relationship therapy can help you move forward. I am here when you are ready to contact me.